Hope for Heart - Introduction

The officer escorted me back down the dingy halls of the jail. I thought that once i'd heard the final sentencing I'd cry my eyes out. But, I couldn't. I wanted to, just to show everyone how horrible i felt on the inside, but instead my eyes remained dry. I thought about what i'd do once i was finally able to leave this place, in ten... maybe 20 years. The thought made my stomach turn, but still there were no tears. I thought of my dad, and how he was too ashamed to even show up on my behalf. I thought of Rhea and Arianna. Arianna, who had been crying since before she'd walked into the courtroom I could tell she'd been at it for a while because her eyes were puffy and her face was bloodshot red. Aside from the first glance, I couldn't look at her. I didn't want her to see my dirty face or my hair, wild and untamed. Rhea looked much more stable, but she'd always been the best at hiding her emotions. Most of all, I thought of Hope, and how being in all of this drama cost her her life. Thinking of Hope must have tipped the barrel because the tears finally flowed. After just a few moments, my face was drenched. The blue jumpsuit i'd been given had a huge wet stain on the front. No matter how hard i tried I couldn't stop them from coming. I could hear myself sobbing, but the sound seemed distant. Like it wasn't really there. My breathing was difficult, and I began gasping for air. A panic attack. The officers seemed unconcerned. They just looked at me and waited for me to regain my composure. Finally, I was back in my cell. I sat on the bed and pulled out a notepad. Rhea had given it to me a couple of weeks ago, and told me to write in it everyday. She knew writing was what kept me sane all these years. Still, I hadn't been able to write anything. My mind was overflowing, but i couldn't put any of it on paper, until now. I pulled out the pad and began scribbling any idea that came to my mind, somehow the words came much easier. I'd lost all hope for myself weeks ago. Since the veryday i'd been arrested, I knew i'd be here for a very long time. I didn't know what my life would be like once i finally got out of this place. If my friends and family will have forgotten about me. If i'd be able to get back into school. If i'dbe able to start a family. Nothing seemed for sure anymore. One thing I did know for sure was that i was determined to tell this story to anyone willing to listen. The small bit of life left in me was the love i had for Hope. The world would know her story. Who knows, it might even save a different life.

Writing.

Hey kids !

So, this blog is for me to write. Stories mainly, some poems ... or w.e comes to mind.
Comments are greatly appreciated and Criticism i ABSOLUTELY LOVE ! So0o .. don't be afraid to talk to me. x]

LoveLoveLove.
NanaBellex3